Along with the concept of anxiety states manifesting things that further induce anxiety, I realized something a couple days ago that was along similar lines. The idea being self hatred, I've been so burned out, and frazzled, and generally not having a very cash money time, and this is going way back to childhood type stuff, but my first mental inclination when something is an inconvenience or blocker or just appears to be this looming hazard of existence, is to have the words, "I should kill myself," or some similar variation. And I got to thinking. If anxiety states keeps spawning anxiety states, then, these states of overwhelmed apathetic burnout or the like, will continue to cause more scenarios to have my first thought be of the suicidal nature.
So my bucket can never be cleansed, if I don't fully release a lot of this built up depression type stuff, and it makes sense that this huge mental load is hindering the efforts of something new because it was so dug in.
Along with the concept of anxiety states manifesting things that further induce anxiety, I realized something a couple days ago that was along similar lines. The idea being self hatred, I've been so burned out, and frazzled, and generally not having a very cash money time, and this is going way back to childhood type stuff, but my first mental inclination when something is an inconvenience or blocker or just appears to be this looming hazard of existence, is to have the words, "I should kill myself," or some similar variation. And I got to thinking. If anxiety states keeps spawning anxiety states, then, these states of overwhelmed apathetic burnout or the like, will continue to cause more scenarios to have my first thought be of the suicidal nature.
So my bucket can never be cleansed, if I don't fully release a lot of this built up depression type stuff, and it makes sense that this huge mental load is hindering the efforts of something new because it was so dug in.
So, I'm cleaning my bucket.